I'm going to jail i love you
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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