i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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