Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
im holly from the hills drunk
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
