im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
