so explain again why im purple
no
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
