she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
