guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
