I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
