I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
