There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
