My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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