At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
