I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
