Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I just found a bag of teeth...
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
