Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
