I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
