I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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