apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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