take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
