There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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