I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
