good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
