Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
this will be a night to untag.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
