My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
