you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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