plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i love accidental penises.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
