You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
