Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
