He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
