Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
