i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
She even gives head with a lisp.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
