Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
