he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
