Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I miss vodka workout Fridays
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
