It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
