I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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