Are we in a gay sports bar?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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