Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
