Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I think I just sharted jello shots
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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