So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
