Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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