Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
