I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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