There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
