Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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