It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
