Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
