8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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