Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
