at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
