Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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