just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
