I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
