I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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