You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
